Right out of the survival books..

I couldn't deny the fact that I needed her and the things she did.They zigzagged their way into my survival book.How many of those things posed the bigger question.Had I not seen this coming before? Of all the things racing towards their destination I knew "help" wasn't one of them.Answers needed to be dug out of their graves.It was essential for me to be on good terms with the world.At the same time I found the experience mortifying.I hated it and this was no secret.Details couldn't flourish on their own.They needed the support of human existence.And now I've lost my train of thought.

I've watched her afar,up close and personal.She harbors the great Indian dream spinning it into different spools of flavors,colors and textures.Its 8 'o clock in the morning she steps out of her bath soft skinned and fresh,drapes herself around in a crisp sari and leaves her unwashed hair uncombed.Then she applies an insignificant bit of kohl under the rims of her eyelids.Some amount of jewelry is considered necessary.Then she dabs a bit of powder on her cheeks and the undersides of her chin and neck.
I stumble out of bed at 7.45 after effects of alcohol demurring my senses.Good someone's in the bathroom it gives me enough time to search for my aspirin without having to explain to her why I have the entire contents of my medication tool kit splattered over my unmade bed.
Her's on the other hand is immaculately clean.I made beds before but then again I slept well before.I don't remember much about yesterday.There was name calling,door banging and something else ..I might even have to pay him for damaging some of his aesthetic glassware.But right now my cell phone is hidden away in the most undiscovered places that the world has to offer and frankly I do not possess even an ounce of intention to perhaps hunt it down and come to terms with the consequences I would have to suffer for last night.
I felt mutant sore.
Numbness was the best best way to encounter social grudges.So here I was...numb.I glanced through the newspaper without really going through it.The usual fucking shit,why bother?

Then I am seated alongside consequences.Just for once I ventured astray,glimpsed at a few odd stars and finally retreated back home.I look like I haven't slept.
She walks in with a few flowers.I look perfectly calm whilst sipping my chamomile tea.My kitchen cabinet is an adobe for the most exotic varieties of tea..chamomile,jasmine,organic,green,earl grey,darjeeling orthodox tea,black lemon tea,tulsi pudina,ginger tea...the taste of tea calming my nerves is the only peace I've experienced after reckless nights.
She is beautiful...every step taken or to be taken bears witness to that.
Everything in my life seems diseased for now.I have research papers to write for the day.Some fucked up shit regarding ethics.I don't think I will be able to carry through with it.The numbness has clogged my brain.
"You look tired.." she smiles and I notice the stark and unpleasant whiteness of her teeth.Happy to have found a flaw I smile back."I had a rough night."